Countdown

A week before I turn 25.

I'm terrified.

It's not about getting old, 25 is not old, 65 is. I hate people who say something like "Oh no, I'm turning 20 I'm old now :((" well you can go somewhere I can't hear your opinion, please, go.

Anyway.

A year has passed like a tiny hole on my tire. I realized something weird was going on but I kept on riding it because maybe it was just my head making it up. Then suddenly it was too late. Flat tire in crowded street in the middle of the sunny day with no 'tambal ban' in sight. The embarrassment of walking my motorcycle, alone, under the sun, looking for a place to fix my tire, it was quite clarifying my insanity...

Good intuition you got there, self. How many 'tambal ban' you've passed? Like 10? 20?

God, forgive this sinful ungrateful piece of sh*t.

Why do I have to bring everything in my bag, it's freaking heavyyyyyy

These people...just riding motorcycle...going somewhere....having the best time of their life...

What are you looking at? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT IF YOU WANT TO HELP JUST HELP STOP LOOKING THEN POINTING OUT AT MY HELPLESSNESS

This is it. This is what my life has become. A failure.

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The pressure of not doing as well as my friends or other people at my age gets into me sometimes. I think most people feel the same when we compare ourselves to others and our self esteem somehow at low point, it makes us feel not doing or having enough. My religious side feels I need to be more grateful. That's not wrong. It's like a step one for me. You know. God comes first and stuff like that and also....because it's easier than step two, which is....actually doing something about it.

Emphasize actually. Is writing a blog post about my issues really affect the progress of working my life out? Emotionally, yes. The physically of the progress itself, no. So if you stumble on this post somehow and get tired of me whining over this particular matters again and again, feel free to cyber-slap me and cyber-scream anything to my face.

What is my brain what am I talking about.

I don't want to be 25 yet. I'm suck at being 24, how can I be good at being 25? I don't know what I'm doing. In any matter of life. Academic. Social. Romance. Future. Anything.

So there you go, the main point of this post.

I don't know anything and I'm terrified.